Already on parole from serving a seven-to-fifteen-year prison sentence, I was at it again. There I was, a drug dealer coming up through the ranks of the streets, determined to be a Drug Kingpin with drug houses and street dealers all over Knoxville, Tenn.

To my peers, I had it made. If only they knew how miserable and wretched I felt. From pretty cars and women, to clothes, jewelry and power, it seemed that the more of the things I got that should bring me pleasure, the emptier I got.

I wanted out!

As my finger began to pull back on the trigger, suddenly, the word of God intruded, asking me, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” (Mark 8:36), and, “You can’t straddle the fence, you must get on one side or the other” (Matthew 6:24, contextualized).

Then, excerpts from my favorite poem, “If” by Rudyard Kipling, pounded my conscience, saying, “If you can take one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one game of pitch and toss and lose and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss, If you can force your heart, nerve and sinew to serve their turn long after they are gone and so hold on when there is nothing left inside you except the voice and the will which says to them HOLD ON!!!”

Before I knew it, I was sitting in the home of a minister who often came to witness to me while I was on the corner selling drugs. He persuaded me that the Lord wanted me to turn in all of my drugs to the police and be willing to face whatever the consequences were.

I turned in almost a kilo of cocaine and turned myself in to jail.

While in jail I read the whole Bible. God speaks through a megaphone in jailhouses.

“You have not paid your parole fees, you haven’t been reporting to your parole officer, and you have these other charges pending against you. Mr. Gaddis, you have been totally non-compliant and based on the merits of the evidence before this court, we have no alternative but to revoke your parole and send you back to the penitentiary to await these charges.

“We want to hear from you, Mr. Gaddis, why you think this court should not revoke your parole and send you back to the penitentiary, because based on the merits of the evidence before this court, we have no choice.”

As I began to speak, I was inspired by I Peter 3:15, “Set apart the Lord God in your heart so that if anyone asks you of the hope that is within you, you can tell them with trembling and in fear.” (And you bet I was trembling and in fear.)

I replied to the judge, “Because, your honor, I want to get out of jail and go back to school and become a lawyer, settle down and get married, have a family, start going to church every Sunday, and become a productive citizen of society because I haven’t had anything but bad luck since my mama died.”

The judge looked at me and then looked around the courtroom as if he was in a trance and he looked back at me and said, “ Mr. Gaddis, for some strange reason the court is going to have mercy on you and release you into the custody of your aunt and uncle. This case is dismissed.”

That was in June 1989.

I came to Dallas in 1989 and eventually got a job, and in 1991 I began to have a serious thirst for the things of God. After reading Romans 8:28-39, I realized that God was calling me into the ministry. I quit my job at a car dealership where I was shagging cars and went back to finish college.

I remember working with a little girl from Ethiopia in that after-school program. I had never seen anyone try to do anything as hard as she tried to read. Because of her diligence I requested to work with her five days a week. All of a sudden her reading began to flow miraculously. (That little girl is graduating with honors from the Health Magnet School at Townview this spring)

Then there was the little boy who, when he saw me the first time, ran up to me and dived into my arms crying. He would call me at night and tell me he had nothing to eat and had not seen his mom all day. In response, I would go pick him up and take him to eat.

One day in April 1995, I was burnt out and decided that I had had enough. I was going to resign. On that day a little girl came in with a letter thanking me for speaking to her and her eighth grade classmates about drugs and alcohol (see at right).

That letter stirred my heart up in a powerful and life-changing way. Again, when it seemed that I was about to give up, God’s Providential Hand moved upon me and convicted me that I was right where He wanted me.

Finding my purpose has not been an easy journey. Now that I know what my Purpose is, I am pursuing it with the Passion of the Christ. The poem excerpted below is one I wrote that describes my journey and I think it describes yours too.